suicide – a forbidden subject


Someone I know, or thought I knew, committed suicide. It is very difficult to process, hence the reason I am blogging about it. I’ll not share it on my fb page because people I know will know who I am writing about and I don’t want anyone to think of this as gossip.

We were not close friends but he was someone I looked up to. Always a smile, a kind word, you know the type. A generous man.

So now that he’s gone, what are we to do? I haven’t seen him in ages so chances are I won’t physically miss him. But knowing that he took his own life makes my heart miss him. It makes me ache and wish I could see him again. That’s the way it is when someone dies. The people left behind are the ones that suffer. He was young and had so much to add to the world. I can’t imagine what his mother must be going through. I wonder if, in death, he will miss his family.

To be honest, I have contemplated suicide. Hasn’t everyone at one time or another? Thinking about it is normal; it’s the people with a plan that you have to worry about. Plan B doesn’t necessarily follow if Plan A doesn’t work out. For a person to go for Plan A, they have to be in some kind of desperate pain. I had a plan one time. If I would have followed the plan, I wouldn’t be here today. Aborting Plan A was a God-send, for I am sure He knew the plans He had for me. In fact, Jeremiah 29:11 “for I know well the plans I have in mind for you,” is one of my favorite verses. I stand on that. I depend on that. Believing in that scripture is very important to me. When I had a Plan A, I was in that type of desperate pain that removes all sense of responsibility. I wasn’t thinking about anyone else but myself. I don’t know what held me back from following through with it, but my guess is the threat of hell for eternity was more painful to think about than working through the problems I had during that very difficult period in my life. I was hopeless. Hope-less. It is a bad way to be. Apparently, this man who took his life must have been hopeless and I can’t bear to think of him being in that kind of pain. Having been there, I know it is tangible and relentless. A lot of people label those who commit suicide as selfish and cowardly. I don’t believe that is the case for most suicides. For a person to go that far, what they are suffering from must be blinding. There has to be a slip of mental acuity of some kind, otherwise why would he give up on life when there is Tomorrow? Tomorrow always changes. Tomorrow you might find something to be hopeful about. So many people love him. That is what I would have told this suicide man if I would have known he had a plan.

There are many questions about his death that I will never have the answer to. I am sorry he felt suicide was necessary and I am sorry for all the wonderful life he will miss. It’s not my place to guess what his after-life will be but I hope and pray that his suffering is over and that he will rest in peace far, far away from whatever desperation drove him from this life.

Any comments?

5 thoughts on “suicide – a forbidden subject

  1. I do know that feeling and I do know that I could never do it unless…. God forbid I was diagnosed with something incurable that was going to end my life in way that was painful to me and to those who love me. I also understand the pain and hopelessness that sometimes leads the parents of children with severe autism to end the lives of their children. Knowing it won’t get better, knowing your child is in unending, unendurable pain. Feeling you can go no further and there is noone else who will. I suffer for those Moms and Dads.

    • Thank you for sharing! And you are right. It was his choice. or was it accidental? Only God knows and with His help, we will heal. Those suicide guys don’t know the crap they put us through, do they?

  2. Don’t know why I never saw this before but maybe today I was suppose to see it. No I am not thinking about taking my life but I did think about it one time and THANK GOD I was not successful. Everything was dark/black and I could not see any light in this black hole or tunnel. So I figured it was not going to get any better. I did not plan to kill myself it was a spur of a moment decision. I had in my hands the pills I needed to accomplish it and the Devil kept saying take them take them take them …. And like I said I am so grateful that I was not successful. Thank you, God. There were signs but no one recognized them. Looking back I realized I was in a spiral and going down hill fast. I was working 10 to 12 hours a day for 5 to 6 days a week. The company merged with another company and we were trying to up how the new financials would look and I keep doing the same thing over and over again. I had no outlet all I was doing is work and sleep. Didn’t have time to see friends or relax. Learned my lesson. I needed to continue doing crafts at this time. I needed the creative output.

    So pray for all those who are struggling living in constant darkness.

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