I saw this on facebook today and I immediately thought about – me. It is such a funny way for a person to see herself, but for me there can’t be any other way.
I’m crazy and I know it.
I’m crazy and I own it.
But it’s not so bad most of the time. To keep it in the right perspective, I make light of my foibles when I can. Take today for example; I went to see my little princess (although she was crowned Tiny Tee Cotton Festival Queen today) all dressed up in her darling little smocked dress. Afterwards, I ran by Sonic to get my husband something to eat. Unfortunately, I left my wallet at the Queen’s house and had no cash on me. The Sonic people assured me they would hold Mr. Pete’s order while I backtracked for said wallet. So I’m on the road again and well, you know how a person’s mind wanders. I figuratively fell into a deep hole filled with negative thoughts. Dang it. I was so tangled up in the hold they had on me, I passed the Queen’s palace – not once, but twice. Talk about feeling like a damn fool!
Oh, but that’s nothing. You ought to see me when I’m stressed! I don’t do stress, it does me. I’m allergic to stress. I try to avoid it at almost any cost. And I’m the kind of person who doesn’t sleep well thanks to fibromyalgia. Not sleeping = hyper-stress. Therefore, I take sleep medicine. It takes a lot to put me to sleep and trust me, I’ve tried EVERYTHING from holistic natural this-n-that, melatonin, self-hypnosis, no TV/computer at night, making sure I’m absolutely exhausted before bed. When I say everything, I mean everything. So I depend on meds. Or rather I am dependent on meds. But sometimes they don’t work, and when they don’t, I tend to do crazy things. Like get up in the middle of the night and cut my hair. Waking up the next morning after that was a real joy (sarcasm intended). I laid there for a minute before deciding to get up and face the music. Hair was all over the bathroom and apparently I even changed my hairy pajamas before going back to bed. The real surprise was that my hair looked awesome. Even Mr. Pete noticed. He said “Your hair is beautiful today. Did you get it colored?” Nope, I told him, I had a crazy night and cut it. He understood and was ever so calm when he told me my inner-beautician did a good job. I love that man. I enjoyed the moment of insanity and wish they all turned out as well. They don’t. Lucky for me, I am able to laugh at myself. A person like me has to from time to time just to keep her head above water. If I didn’t see the funny side I don’t know what I would do.
I’m willing to bet you feel the same way too. Life is weird that way. Individually we often think that what we do, the way we do it, and our faux pas are exclusively ours. They are not. I’m going to tell you something that you may not believe. Every one of us is the same. You may not get up in the middle of the night and cut your hair, but I bet you’ve thought of yourself as crazy at one time or another. Now, am I right or am I right? Of course I am. And the reason I know this is because I listen to people. It is amazing what you hear when your ears are open. Your heart also has to be open when you listen to people because what your heart hears is all that matters. This week I heard a lot. I heard the tears of a friend with stage 4 cancer. I heard the joy of my granddaughter’s excitement for her birthday, I heard a heart breaking over loneliness, and I heard the silence of a son who needs time away. This morning I heard church bells and God calling. This afternoon, my mood shifted to the I-must-be-crazy mode with my foray into absentmindedly driving around trying to get lunch taken care of for Mr. Pete, and I heard my own exasperation. We can make ourselves feel like we are crazy by being too busy, having a lot on our minds, or maybe even reacting to a full moon. Trauma of any sort will set you up for craziness. Don’t forget hormones, that certainly can do it. Even eating the wrong things can throw a person off balance until the world no longer makes sense. We feel crazy when we have random thoughts like I’m unattractive, I’ll never succeed, I’m not worthy, I can’t….fill in the blank. It’s all relative.
Whew. Take a deep breath.
Up and down and down and up. We all go through it. It’s normal. I know something else you might not know. There is hope even when we are crazy. You see, this kind of thinking is not from God and He says this about that:
Resist him (the enemy) standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
1 Peter 5:9
Endure hardship as discipline: God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? Hebrews 12:7
I’m not saying that God sends us hardships. I would never say that because I don’t believe it. What I do believe is that He sends us what we need to get through the hardships (read craziness). He sends us grace, healing, peace. He sends the Holy Spirit to comfort us. He loves us.
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? No in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. Romans 8:35, 37
Let me say this; Even when I have my crazy insane moments, I know He is there for me. I know He will get me through it. I know my life is in His hands. He doesn’t control me (crazy little thing called self-will) but He does hold me. And for that I praise Him.
If you have read my book Secrets of the Old Ladies’ Club, I hope you got the message that those old broads feel the same way. Even ol’ Stella says “It doesn’t hurt to be a little immature (substitute crazy) now and then!”
Please don’t forget to pray for peace ya’ll. Now more than ever the whole world needs your prayers.